Butch's life celebrated in grand style

By Tom Ineck

LINCOLN, Neb.—Hundreds of Butch Berman's friends, family and fans were on hand March 23 for the six-hour celebration of the life of the legendary Lincoln musician and founder of the Berman Music Foundation.

The main ballroom of The Cornhusker Marriott Hotel in downtown Lincoln swarmed with fellow musicians, family members, associates of the foundation and other folks who were touched in some way by the ebullient lover of life, who died Jan. 31 at age 58. Those in attendance expressed a mixture of joy and sadness—joy that they had known Butch and sadness that he was not able to share this grand event in his honor.

Both jazz and rock musicians paid their sincerest respects by participating in the Easter Day celebration of life, with jazz music relegated to the 4-7 p.m. slot and rock music extending well past the scheduled 10 p.m. closing time.

The stellar Kansas City rhythm section of pianist Joe Cartwright, bassist Gerald Spaits and drummer Ray DeMarchi set the mood for the afternoon with a set of familiar tunes. KC saxophonist and longtime BMF friend Ahmad Alaadeen fronted the band for a heart-felt rendition of the classic “Body and Soul.”

Headliner Karrin Allyson, the first artist that the Berman Music Foundation brought to Lincoln—back in March 1995—performed a stunning set that included the appropriate "Live for Life" and Randy Newman’s “Guilty,” which she recorded on her 1992 Concord Records debut, “I Didn’t Know About You.” Cartwright and company gave a wonderful reading of a bop tune that was one of Butch’s favorites, Charlie Parker’s “Yardbird Suite.”

Singer David Basse of Kansas City, who also has had a long association with the BMF, put everything into his performance of the classic farewell ballad, “I’ll Be Seeing You.” He turned to the blues for “The Eagle Flies on Friday,” with Ed Love of Lincoln on tenor sax, who also joined the band for Cole Porter’s “I Love You.”

To begin the segue from jazz to rock, The Lightning Bugs contributed a set of their trademark swing, with vocals inspired by the sweet harmonies of the Mills Brothers. Among the classics of the genre performed by guitarist Steve Hanson, bassist Jim Pipher and drummer Reynold Peterson were “Glow Worm,” “Satin Doll” and “Moonglow.” For Butch’s widow, Grace Sankey Berman, they dedicated the touching “Be My Life’s Companion.”

The wonderful band Ashanti had dozens of people taking to the dance floor for a set of reggae numbers that included the Bob Marley compositions “Trenchtown Rock” and “No Woman, No Cry.”

Of course, any celebration of Butch’s life and love of music would have been incomplete without the participation of legendary rockabilly singer and songwriter Charlie Burton, who was accompanied by fiddler Dave Fowler, bassist Dave Boye, drummer Dave Robel, and special guest Steve Hanson on guitar. Appropriately, their set included “Rock ‘n’ Roll Behavior” and “Guitar Case,” tunes first recorded by Charlie Burton and Rock Therapy (with Butch on guitar) in 1976 and 1977, respectively.

The mood returned briefly to a more jazz-tinged style with the Hot Club of Lincoln doing “It Don’t Mean a Thing (If It Ain’t Got That Swing).” The brainchild of fiddler Dave Fowler, the gypsy jazz ensemble also included Hanson and Mike Herres on guitars and Boye on bass.

Last, but not least, the surviving members of the Cronin Brothers, Butch's last band, took the stage for a very personal tribute to their fallen comrade. With Butch’s beloved Telecaster on display at the front of the stage, cohorts Bill Lohrberg on guitar, Craig Kingery on bass and Don Holmquist on drums carried on like troopers, with Brian Hull capably taking on the keyboard chores once handled by Butch. Kelly McGovern and special guest Sean Benjamin contributed additional vocal and guitar.

Early on, the Cronins performed “Trinidad Rocks,” a rocking instrumental written by Butch many years ago. Then it was time for their own take on classic rock, with great renditions of “Dirty Water,” “Five O’clock World,” “Little Sister,” “Peter Gunn,” “Secret Agent Man,” “Slow Down,” “Sleep Walkin’,” and “Lucille” McGovern delivered impassioned vocals on the bluesy “One Way Out” and the Traffic masterpiece “Feelin’ Alright.”

A sort of "shrine" to Butch on display near the back of the ballroom featured a recreation of his familiar basement retreat, including a centerpiece table with a full glass of wine and a sampling of his favorite collectibles and kitschy memorabilia. Throughout the event, a photo slide show documenting Butch's entire life was projected on a screen, making his presence (in spirit) even more palpable.

Between sets of music, friends took the stage to share stories at the microphone. Among them was Arleen Fowler, who related her long experience with The Famous, the women’s ready-to-wear shop where she worked for the Berman family from 1948 until it closed Jan. 31, 1976. She recalled the day in March 1949 when she first heard the news that Byron Lee Berman had been born to Harriett and Alfred Berman.

Most touchingly, Grace took the microphone to thank everyone for showing their love and support—especially the participating musicians, who gave the greatest gift of all. May the music never end. 

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By Grace Sankey-Berman

Seven years ago, I met Butch at his house on a blind date. We were two different people from separate worlds. Butch, a hip musician, was witty and funny. On the other hand, I was a rather serious and up-tight woman from Africa. We seemed so different and yet it was easy for me to fall in love with him. I found him extremely honest and open about his lifestyle and who he was, and he was not defensive about the decisions and choices he made. It was very refreshing to hear such honesty from someone I had just met. I immediately felt safe with him and soon discovered that we both had a passion for great music and much more. And so began our wonderful love affair.

We found each other at a time when we were both ready for a serious relationship. My kids and I were very happy because Butch fit right in and we became a family. Butch was totally committed and did not shy away from the responsibilities that came with a new family. He became protective of us and provided for our every need in the best possible way. He loved my kids and tried to be a good male influence to the boys. As a result, he has made a lasting and positive impact in our lives. 

But on Jan. 31, I lost my husband and lover. I could not have written this sooner because the pain was very intense and the emptiness I felt was deep. It is still hard to grasp that Butch is gone, and the finality of his death is immensely difficult to deal with. Butch was a free thinker who loved and celebrated life and I would like to honor that legacy. He lived and loved passionately and I feel privileged to have been a part of his life, no matter how briefly it seems.

Let me seize this moment to talk about the life of the man I love, his love for music and vision to promote unique forms of music. Butch worked relentlessly, locally and across the nation, producing records with great artists who otherwise may not have been able to afford to cut a record. He sponsored live performances locally in venues like the Zoo bar, P.O. Pears and the Lied Center for Performing Arts, to mention a few, and in other parts of this country. The details about the work he has done are well documented on the BMF website. He wanted to educate people about the great music this country has to offer, the kind of music that may not be at the top of the charts or be played on the popular radio stations. He spent countless hours collecting great records and succeeded in collecting an impressive array of musical gems. He was not only enthusiastic about finding new music, but generously wanted to share this music with whoever was interested in listening to it.

Butch clamored for information about music and musicians and was well versed with all the details of their art and lives. His radio shows were like music history classes, but more entertaining and in-depth. He played great music and would talk to his audience about the musicians and their musical journey and about the artist as man or woman. In other words he tried to humanize these great musicians. I regret not paying more attention to the wealth of information he tried to share with me. May be it did not cross my mind that he would depart so early.

His passion for music can also be seen in how well-organized the BMF museum, which is in his house, is kept. Even though he had thousands of records, Butch knew exactly where to find almost every one of them. He handled each record or CD very carefully, as if it was the last one. Every record was meticulously cleaned and preserved. He worked with almost surgical precision arranging and rearranging stacks of records and CDs and loved every minute of it. He derived a lot of satisfaction from the knowledge that everything was in order.

The BMF intends to keep his vision alive and I would like to invite all of you to join us in this effort because, with your support, together we can accomplish a lot. We will dedicate our efforts to promoting music education and live performances. We have an immense opportunity to take Butch’s vision to a different level.

Butch listened to music constantly in his house and in the car. His musical palate included rock ‘n’ roll, soul, country, jazz and every thing in between. He was an equal-opportunity music lover. But most of all he enjoyed playing and making music with other musicians. Some of his best memories included playing with Charlie Burton, Dave Robel and Otto Spalti in The Megatones. Even in later years, he was always tickled and excited at any opportunity to play with those guys. Of course, he had a lot of fun playing with many other musicians, like his last band, The Cronin Brothers, who were kind enough to play at Butch’s celebration of life on March 23. I had a lot of fun the last few years listening and dancing to their music. Not only did he enjoy playing with other musicians, but he looked forward to the camaraderie with them. He continued to practice with The Cronin Brothers up to just two weeks before his death. He was not about to let a damned tumor stop him from playing. He kept practicing and planning for the next gig, which was a few days away. But it was not meant to be. That is the kind of guy Butch was, an eternal optimist.

Butch loved musicians and was respectful of their individual talents. He understood how much work and dedication it took to be good. He always advocated for the better treatment of musicians, and insisted that they be paid better. He was a good host and went out of his way to make sure they were comfortable. He would always take them out to dinner before or after gigs. Most of all, the musicians were amazed at his hospitality and generosity. Once during dinner with singer Sheila Jordan, she said, “I have never been treated so well in my musical career. Butch, you are the first sponsor that ever took me out to dinner.” When Butch passed away, Alaadeen, a horn player from KC, sent me a card that said, “The music family has lost a great man.”

Butch was a good friend. I know because he was my best friend. Most of his friendships were life-long. He spent countless hours on the phone talking with his friends, such as Wade Wright in San Francisco. I was always amazed at how well he nurtured his friends, constantly keeping in touch with them, remembering their birthdays and spending time with them whenever possible. He enjoyed fried chicken and good food with his friend Rich on Thursday nights. He loved the game of Ping Pong and looked forward to Saturdays when he played with his friends Brad Krieger and Daniel Nelson for many years. Butch was always thoughtful and generous. He spent the last days of his life planning a benefit concert for his dear friend Norman Hedman, who is currently in remission from cancer. He was worried about Norman’s illness, but never complained about his own illness. That benefit took place April 14 in New York.

Above all, he was always very attentive and loving to me, never missing a chance to show me or tell me how much he loved me. We had a lot of fun being together and creating memories that I will forever cherish. Our goal was to listen to every record he had and watch all the movies in his collection. We could not accomplish that goal, but we sure had a lot of fun trying. Living with Butch was an American cultural experience. For a girl from Africa, it was the class room I never could have dreamed of.

I am comforted by the fact that Butch lived a happy, full life without compromise. I am touched by the outpouring of support from friends and strangers. A lot of you have reached out to me at this difficult time by phone, cards, letters and visits. I want to say thank you for every thing you have done. Many of you brought meals or took me out and made sure that I ate. Your care and support has been of immense help to me.

Butch was loved and touched by many. I got notes from total strangers who were touched when they read about his passing in the paper. Some joined us to celebrate his life. Arleen Fowler, a delightful lady whom I had never met before, came by Butch’s house when she heard about his passing. She informed me that she was the secretary at The Famous, a ready-to-wear store owned by the Berman family from 1946 to 1976. She took time to tell me about Butch’s family. She had known Butch from birth and had watched him grow up while she worked at The Famous. She obviously was fond of him and enjoyed his sense of humor and wit. She could not get over how talented he was and how his ideas were not always what his mom wanted, but he believed in himself enough to stick to his own beliefs.

That is essentially the core of the man I knew, fell in love with and married. He was not afraid to go against rigid sub-cultures, regardless of the price he may pay. He taught me that to be an individual or to be vulnerable is empowering, not diminishing. That was the key to him having such a happy life.

Therefore, Butch remained honest almost to a fault. He did not make a lot of friends that way. But in his style, he always managed to get people he dealt with to come around, even if they only agreed to disagree. He was the first to reach out and apologize for anything necessary.

Thanks to all the musicians who donated their time to play at the celebration of Butch’s life. Special thanks to The Cronin Brothers, his fellow bandmates who worked hard to make Butch’s day special. Butch was proud to play with such great guys. Thanks to Michael Opoku and Ashanti African Root band for playing the African drums that Butch loved so much, to Kansas City musicians Gerald Spaits, Joe Cartwright, Ray DeMarchi, and Alaadeen for taking time from their busy schedules to play great jazz and to Karrin Allyson, who graced us with her presence and great music. To all the Lincoln musicians, I want to thank you for all you did. I am sure Butch was watching and loved every minute.

Most importantly, I wish to thank all the care providers who were at the frontline, working to make Butch comfortable during his illness. They came by to see Butch at home after busy days in the office. They include Dr. Kevin Coughlin, Butch’s personal physician, the “hippest doctor in town,” as Butch liked to say; Dr. David Lauer, his chiropractor, who understood Butch very well; Kassi Riordan, Butch’s missus who is the most generous person I know; and Joyce Latrom, Butch’s longtime friend, who was always generous and willing to lend a hand or a shoulder to cry on.

To the BMF family, I thank you for making it a lot easier for me and Butch. Thank you, Tony Rager and Kay, for helping me keep it all together. I also wish to thank Tom Ineck for working tirelessly to keep the website updated. Your thoughtfulness and hard work over the last few months have not gone unnoticed. Butch and I enjoyed your radio show immensely, and we greatly appreciated the dedications you made to Butch. Thanks to Ruthann, Paul, and Matt, who spent hours to put together the slide pictorial for the celebration of life.

Special thanks to my friends Kim Jasung, Rose Spencer, Cathy Moss and Mousa Drammeh for being there when I needed them the most.

I feel privileged to have been married to Butch. He was a great husband who did his best to navigate through this journey called life. I love you, darling, and miss you dearly. I remain eternally grateful for having been loved by you. Rest in peace, my love.

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By Tom Ineck

LINCOLN, Neb.—Butch Berman devoted much of his final days to future plans—an April 14 benefit for Norman Hedman in New York City, a May 23 salute by the Nebraska Jazz Orchestra to the music of Russ Long, and the upcoming Jazz in June outdoor concert series.

Though his death on Jan. 31 prevented him from experiencing these events, the Berman Music Foundation will continue to carry on his vision by participating in Jazz in June for the first time since 2004, when the BMF sponsored the Eldar Djangirov Trio and the Kendra Shank Quartet. To show its appreciation for the BMF support through the years, the Jazz in June folks are dedicating the 2008 series to Butch Berman.

"For more than 10 years, the Berman Music Foundation has served as a valued partner, team member and stakeholder to the Jazz in June music series," said Marthaellen Florence, chair of Jazz in June. "Under the tutelage of Butch Berman, Jazz in June was able to bring many of the nation's most accomplished jazz artist to the stage. With the foundation's generous contributions Jazz in June audiences have been afforded the opportunity to experience outstanding talent and the community's has been educated through countless artist's workshops."  

Before each performance this year, someone from the Lincoln jazz community will make a few remarks about Butch, his contribution to jazz in Lincoln and to Jazz in June.  

As always, the free concerts begin at 7 p.m. every Tuesday in June on the plaza west of the Sheldon Museum of Art at 12^th and R streets on the University of Nebraska-Lincoln campus.

Again, the foundation will fund two of the four artists on the 2008 line-up—the Dan Thomas Quintet on June 10 and the Dynamic Les DeMerle Band, featuring singer Bonnie Eisele, on June 17. The other artists are the Darryl White Group on June 3 and the Lao Tizer Band on June 24.

"Jazz in June continues to value contributions of BMF and Butch Berman," Florence said. "We also recognize that there was a great value in Butch's decision to engage his foundation in the philanthropic process. When those who share a commitment to one another share an equally heartfelt commitment to something beyond the community both are enhanced."

A jazz educator teaching saxophone and jazz history at the University of Missouri-Kansas City, Dan Thomas has been a favorite of the foundation for several years. He performed with his group in September 2004, as part of the Berman Jazz Series in Topeka, Kan. (for a review click here) His recording “City Scope” was reviewed that same year (click here), and “Musical Sanctuary” was reviewed on its release the following year (click here). The Canadian-born jazz educator also was the subject of a feature interview in the August 2004 edition of the BMF newsletter (click here).

The Dan Thomas Quintet includes Joe Parisi on trumpet and flugelhorn, Brandon Draper on drums, Roger Wilder on piano and Bram Wijnands on bass, in addition to Thomas on saxophone.

New to the BMF—and to Jazz in June—is The Dynamic Les DeMerle Band, a group that Butch Berman first heard at his bedside while still in the hospital after a seizure in early October. He was so impressed by the band that he wrote a review of its CD “Cookin’ at the Corner, Vol. 2” (click here) and made his pitch to bring the band to the Jazz in June stage.

A Brooklyn native, drummer Les DeMerle toured 12 years with big band trumpet master Harry James and has played with the likes of Lionel Hampton, The Manhattan Transfer and Red Allen. Vocalist Bonnie Eisele, DeMerle’s wife, specializes in renditions of jazz classics and breezy Brazilian ballads. The Florida-based band also features pianist Mike Levine and bassist Jamie Ousley.

Darryl White, professor of trumpet at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln since 1997, will make his first Jazz in June appearance as a leader since 2003 (for a review of that performance click here). He will be accompanied by a diverse group of top-flight players—saxophonist Dave Pietro, pianist Jeff Jenkins, bassist Craig Akin, drummer Brandon Draper and percussionist Michael Pujado.

This year’s wild card is young keyboard whiz Lao Tizer, whose 2006 release, “Diversity,” displays his broad influences while remaining rooted in his smooth jazz style. The album reached Billboard’s Top 50 Contemporary Jazz chart. Backed by a handpicked band, he has performed with Isaac Hayes, Wayne Shorter, George Benson, The Rippingtons, Bruce Hornsby and Spyro Gyra.

Jazz in June 2008 promises to be a welcomed return for the Berman Music Foundation.

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By Tom Ineck

NEW YORK, N.Y.—When Butch Berman heard the news that his good friend, master conguero and Berman Music Foundation consultant Norman Hedman was ill, he began to help with plans to sponsor a benefit concert to defray some of Hedman’s growing medical expenses. Unfortunately, Butch himself was unable to attend the April 14 benefit concert. He died Jan. 31.

So it was with mixed sadness and hopeful anticipation that an entourage of BMF associates traveled to New York—sadness that Butch was unable to join us and hope that Norman would soon show signs of recovery after treatment for acute myelogenous leukemia.

The support for Norman in his time of need was inspiring. Often struggling with their own financial worries, the generous musicians of New York rallied around their comrade to perform for “Rhythm Relief,” a two-show event at Jazz Standard, 116 E. 27^th St. Hosted by WBGO Radio’s Rob Crocker, the event was produced and sponsored by 8 Bar Management and the Berman Music Foundation.

Hedman was diagnosed with AML in January, while rehearsing with Alicia Keys for her upcoming world tour. Since then, he has been undergoing rounds of treatment at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center.

On the day before the benefit, we were able to visit with Norman for an hour or so at his midtown Manhattan high-rise, his residence of many years. At his side were his wife, Michelline, and his manager and friend Dawn DeBlaze of 8 Bar Management. Joining us later was drummer and upstairs neighbor Horacee Arnold and Andrienne Wilson, singer-flutist and longtime friend of Norman’s, who had just arrived from her home in the Pacific Northwest.

Though much thinner than the last time we had seen him, Norman was in his usual high spirits, despite having completed a six-week series of cancer treatments and preparing for yet another. Downplaying his own dire condition, he expressed sadness at the sight of so many children with cancer at Sloan-Kettering, noting that he had already lived a full life, but that they had barely begun theirs.

Because of his compromised immune system, Norman could not attend his own benefit for fear of possible air-borne infection. But his presence was palpable that night, as so many friends and fellow musicians gathered to show their love and support.

Featured musicians included bassists Ron Carter and Buster Williams, vibraphonist Joe Locke, drummers Horacee Arnold and Will Calhoun, percussionists Ray Mantilla and Steve Kroon, singer Kendra Shank, pianist Frank Kimbrough, saxophonist T.K. Blue, singer Queen Esther Marrow, singer and flutist Andrienne Wilson, trombonist Dick Griffin, guitarist B.D. Lenz, and—of course—members of Norman Hedman’s longtime band Tropique (music director Willie Martinez on timbales; Misha Tsiganov on piano; Alexei Tsiganov on vibes; Roger Byam and Craig Rivers on saxophones; Mario Rodriguez on bass; and Cristian Rivera on percussion). An online auction was initiated to raise additional funds.

The contemporary R&B singer Alicia Keys, though on tour, offered a video salute to Norman as the event began. Appropriately, Kendra Shanks and pianist Frank Kimbrough got the music off to a start with a stunning ballad rendition of “Blue Skies.” Then it was time for Tropique to take the stage.

Opening their wonderful set was “Hed-Theme,” from the BMF-sponsored CD “One Step Closer,” released in 1999. Andrienne Wilson joined the band on flute for the Hedman theme song, which also received nice solo statements from Misha Tsiganov on piano, Roger Byams on alto sax and Alexei Tsiganov on vibes.

Taking the microphone, Martinez paid personal tribute to Norman, citing their “10 or 12 years and four CDs” together. He continued simply by introducing Norman’s love song to his wife, “Michelline.” On congas, Cristian Rivera paid his own tribute by sitting in for Norman. The Mason brothers—Brad on flugelhorn and Elliott on trombone—joined Tropique for a rousing rendition of the Juan Tizol classic “Caravan.” Bringing down the tempo, Martinez and Wilson crooned “The Nearness of You” to each other, as Dick Griffin assisted on trombone. 

Queen Esther Marrow, a versatile blues, jazz and gospel singer who has performed with everyone from B.B. King to Bob Dylan, ranged from the gospel fervor of “Walk With Me” to the jazz ballad beauty of “In My Solitude,” which she once performed with Duke Ellington, to the funk of “Elijah Rock.”

Tropique returned to the stage for a first-show finale featuring a percussion ensemble that included Martinez, Steve Kroon, Ray Mantilla and Chembo Corniel churning the polyrhythmic waters of Mongo Santamaria’s “Afro-Blue.”

The second show began with the all-star quartet of Joe Locke on vibes, Eldar Djangirov on piano, Ron Carter on bass and Horacee Arnold on drums. This masterful ensemble worked their magic on such standards as “You Don’t Know What Love Is” and the Miles Davis classic “All Blues,” which contained a brilliant interpolation of “Willow Weep for Me.” It was a somewhat mournful set of tunes, but played with an abundance of energy, hope and musicianship.

Tropique took the stage for a series of vocal guest appearances, first with the fabulous singer Ada Dyer on “Closer (To Your Heart),” from the band’s most recent release, 2006’s “Garden of Forbidden Fruit.” Wilson returned to sing “Alone in Love with You” from the 1996 Tropique debut recording, “Healing Hands.” Finally, D-Train Williams performed an inspired rendition of “Angel of the Night,” a tune from “Forbidden Fruit” that was initially dedicated to Grace Sankey Berman. At least for those of us who knew the connection, it was a very moving performance.

Another highlight of the evening was the performance of “Stolen Moments” by an ensemble consisting of alto saxophonist T.K. Blue (formerly known as Talib Kibwe), guitarist B.D. Lenz, trumpeter Wayne Cobham, bassist Buster Williams, drummer Will Calhoun and pianist Misha Tsiganov. Norman Hedman’s niece, promising rock and R&B singer Erika Rose, sang a tune in honor of her beloved uncle.

As always, Martinez was the master of poise and sensitivity, managing the difficult task of assigning the brief sets, getting everyone on the schedule without ruffling any feathers. Bravo, Willie!

On behalf of representatives of the Berman Music Foundation who were in attendance (Grace Sankey-Berman, Tony Rager, Kay Davis and myself), I thank everyone involved, especially Norman Hedman for his resilient spirit and all the musicians who donated their time and talent for the cause.

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By Tom Ineck

NEW YORK, N.Y.—Springtime in New York is legendary for good reason. It is the season of rebirth and rejuvenation in the most exciting city on the planet. But with hopefulness comes an inevitable sense of change, the rather discomfiting sensation of living on the cusp of an unknown future.

So it was with mixed emotions that the Berman Music Foundation entourage arrived April 12 in the great metropolis to attend an April 14 benefit concert for the ailing Norman Hedman. Without our dear friend and BMF founder Butch Berman at our side and with just three nights and two full days in the city, we were determined to make the most of our brief stay.

While in this fabulous city, there is no better guide than 20-year resident Russ Dantzler. A Lincoln, Neb., native and longtime friend and consultant for the foundation, Russ also is a devoted jazz fan and advocate who has been manager and publicist for many artists over the years, including Claude “Fiddler” Williams, Benny Waters, Valerie Capers, Houston Person, Earl May, David “Fathead” Newman and the Statesmen of Jazz.

On our arrival Saturday, we checked into our rooms at the venerable Park Central Hotel near 57^th and Seventh Avenue, and then headed to a nearby Italian restaurant to meet Russ. With his usual enthusiasm and encyclopedic knowledge of the city, he later led us on a brisk walking tour through Midtown Manhattan to a former speakeasy for after-dinner drinks.

Russ shifted into high gear Sunday, herding the BMF party to the subway for a ride to the Staten Island Ferry. From there, despite overcast skies, we would get a decent view of the Statue of Liberty and the city skyline before returning to Lower Manhattan. We strolled through Battery Park and visited Trinity Church and St. Paul’s Chapel, which miraculously survived the collapse of the nearby World Trade Center towers in 2001. We maneuvered our way through the milling crowd on Wall Street, past the art deco Woolworth Building (closed to tourists), to our jazz brunch destination, Café Loup, at 105 W. 13^th St.

We had chosen to dine here primarily because of the entertainment, saxophonist Bob Kindred with Ron Affif on guitar and Santi Debriano on bass. The only table left happened to be right in front of the bandstand! I forget what I had to eat because I was too busy listening to the music—which included dining-friendly renditions of “Smoke Gets in Your Eyes,” “I’ve Never Been in Love Before,” and “Moonlight Serenade.”

Between sets, Kindred visited our table to chat and extend his condolences on Butch’s death. The two had gotten to be pretty good friends during the years that the BMF covered the Topeka Jazz Festival, where Kindred was a regular. Kindred’s wife, the wonderful singer Anne Phillips, also was at Café Loup that day to listen to her husband and we had a chance to visit. Only in New York!

That evening, we attended “Rent” at the Nederlander Threatre, where it is scheduled to close Sept. 7 after an amazing 12-year run of some 5,000 performances. That will make it the seventh-longest-running Broadway show in history. Despite its undeniable financial success, I found it only slightly memorable. As they say, everyone’s a critic.

After that disappointing diversion, I was ready for more live jazz, so we made our way to Russ’s apartment to catch a bite to eat before the two-minute walk to Birdland. The Chico O’Farrill Afro-Cuban Jazz Orchestra was holding court, as it does every Sunday night when it isn’t on the road. Directed by pianist Arturo O’Farrill since his father’s death in 2001, the 19-piece band is a genuine Afro-Cuban powerhouse.

Among the tunes they played were “Mambo America,” “Cantina,” and “Pure Emotion,” the title track of a 1995 release. On this occasion, it was dedicated to Arturo’s mother, Lupe O’Farrill, who was sitting at the bar next to us. “Samba for Carmen” was dedicated to the memory of Carmen McRae,” and “Something to Smoke” was an aptly hot number.

On a sunny Monday morning, we ventured out on our own to Rockefeller Plaza for some shopping. As if to remind us again of spring’s arrival, tulips were in bloom everywhere and a work crew was removing the ice from the world-famous skating rink for another year. Heading north, we spent much of the afternoon strolling through Central Park, where the grass was a vibrant green, the trees and bushes were budding and the squirrels were feasting and fattening on horded nuts.

The next day, we were headed home. We had, indeed, made the most of our first springtime in New York.

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By Ruth Thone

“Ah, sweet mystery of life,” some wise man wrote. I suspect that “sweet mystery” is about death.

Surely I would be helped, or at least able to lighten up, if I simply considered death and dying a mystery, instead of intermittently felled by that fact of existence.

We all know, do we not, that all lives end in death, that fair price for the beauty and tragedy of living.

What I don’t get is why it’s so hard, why each new death in our short and sweet existence feels like an unimaginable wound.

A good friend left us, as we sometimes say, this winter after an accurate death sentence of four months, due to a malignant, inoperable brain tumor. He chose to live life cheerfully at the end—telling me that “being positive is hard work,” to which I agreed, telling him that I don’t even try.

A few off his friends, including me, knew of the four-month diagnosis but he did not want to talk about it endlessly or have to console his grieving friends during his last few months. Even so, I was shocked at his death, thrown into startling and uncomfortable grief.

One of the operating systems we all have in our characters is that of denial. Mine had certainly kicked into high gear as he and I visited once a week in the office of our friend and massage therapist, and at lunch with the four of us, old friend and his lovely wife, and therapist and myself. We’d been meeting for a Monday noon lunch a few times a year for several years.

My massage therapist friend called to tell me our friend had died the night before, so I’d not be more shocked to walk into my weekly appointment, to discover that he was no longer with us.

Still, I have struggled with his death. Now I think of bidding farewell to him and his wife as we parted after lunch that day less than three weeks before he died. Never once did I think that would be the last time I would see him.

Another old friend tells of sitting at her dying unconscious father’s bedside, reading the “Tibetan Book of the Dead.” Another lent me her copy of “Good Life Good Death,” written by her Buddhist teacher Gelek Rinpoche.

My childhood Christian Science told me that “Sin, sickness, disease and death are unreal.” I know our old friend, in an African tradition, will be with us as long as the last person to know him is alive.

What I discover each day is the blank place he used to occupy, that vital, vibrant, joyously alive man.

My old friend existed with his beloved wife, Grace, in the world of his obsessions, as we all do, and that off loving friends, and richly in his enormous and generous devotion to jazz music.

I hate to whine; we all face death, lots of it as we age, and meet our friends at funerals. Maybe this death was just the tipping point for me, after a year of many losses.

Maybe struggling with loss and grief is simply what we are required to experience in exchange for the gift of life.

Ruth Thone, author of “Women and Aging, Celebrating Ourselves,” “FAT: A Fate Worse than Death,” “Women, Weight and Appearances,” and “Being Home,” can be reached at ruththone@msn.com. This article first appeared in the March 22 edition of Neighborhood Extra. It is reprinted here with the author’s permission.

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